Yahoo Finanzen 13 Ways to Support Your Partner When They're Unemployed
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When your partner comes home and reveals the shocking news that they've been laid off, let go, fired, or any of the other terms for that big, ugly word "unemployed," it can be tricky to go into straight into supportive partner mode.
Most of our reactions are a mixture of sadness, anxiety, and a tiny bit of freaking out about how this might change your relationship, your financial security, and, well, your life. This is totally normal, but it's important to remember your partner is likely feeling way worse about the situation. Here's how you can help.
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Pause Before You React
When you partner reveals they no longer have a job, don't freak out. "Don't go straight into the big questions like 'how are we going to support ourselves?' Take a deep breath and say, 'I'm really sorry that this has gone down, you must be very upset about this,'" New York City therapist and relationship expert Rachel Sussman advises. "The most important thing you can do in the first moments is be supportive. Validate their experience."
RELATED: I Never Signed Up To Be The Primary Breadwinner, But My Husband Didn't Have A Job
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Keep Your Mouth Shut
Ask your partner from the start if there's anyone they want to share this news with, Sussman recommends. "You need to protect their privacy and men, especially, can be embarrassed by this."
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Avoid Making It Sound Like You're the Only One Supporting the Family
You may have to go into the office every day, but telling your partner how much you're doing at work and how little they're doing at home isn't a good move. Sussman says it's best to avoid traps of placing blame or demanding they do all the housework since they're just at home. Instead, phrase it as a question, "Would you be open to reviewing our division of labor? Would you be open to pitching in more around the house and helping out with the kids?"
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Compliment What They're Doing Right
"This can be a very insecure time. People feel at their shittiest and like they don't have a purpose. It's important that they have a place in the home," sexologist Shannon Boodram says. "Start off with just giving them positive affirmation when you walk in the door like, 'Hey you made a great dinner,' or 'the place looks amazing.'"
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Don't Sweat It If You Say Something Mean
"While we all wish to not say stupid or hurtful things, if you spend enough time around anyone and you add in a pinch of stress, we all say things that we regret,"Howard Forman, an assistant professor at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, explains. The more important part, he says, is being able to come back from that nasty comment by explaining that it is a stressful time for both of you and you still love them.
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Help Them Find the Silver Lining
"Remind the unemployed partner that the flip side of crisis is opportunity. Maybe it's an opportunity to go back to school and get that degree they always wanted, or change careers, or brush up on their skill set and take some classes," Sussman says.
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Don't Push Your Partner Into a New Career
If your partner has been unemployed for a long time, suggesting a career change seems like it might be a good option. But relationship expert Mara Opperman says that's not quite the case. "The question is, did your partner love what he or she was doing? If so, I would leave it alone. Suggesting that your partner switch careers could lead to resentment later on."
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Offer Up Your Help
Can you help them update their LinkedIn or re-draft their resume? Can you help make connections or boost their confidence in a new skill set? Can you read cover letters and help search for jobs in the evening? The job search can be daunting, and having someone to help them shoulder the burden means a lot.
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Combine Your Networks
"Take a night for the two of you to go through each of your Facebook friend lists. Who do you know who may be hiring or at a company that is hiring? Take advantage of the combined social resources and professional contacts you have to help get to the next job," says Forman.
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Find Your Own Confidante
While this isn't something you should broadcast at girls' or guys' night, it's okay to confide in a close friend. "Whenever you get a third party observer, they might be able to think about things more clearly and offer advice. Having one or two people that you can trust and you can confide in is important not just for this type of stress, but in life," Forman says.
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If You Do Need to Have a Tough Talk, Make It a "We" Conversation
"Be aware of the shame, low self-esteem, and responsibility your unemployed partner is already feeling at this point," says Opperman. Make sure you refer to the current situation as 'ours' instead of 'theirs.' You don't want to place blame on them. Instead, assure them that you are a team."
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When your partner comes home and reveals the shocking news that they've been laid off, let go, fired, or any of the other terms for that big, ugly word "unemployed," it can be tricky to go into straight into supportive partner mode.
Most of our reactions are a mixture of sadness, anxiety, and a tiny bit of freaking out about how this might change your relationship, your financial security, and, well, your life. This is totally normal, but it's important to remember your partner is likely feeling way worse about the situation. Here's how you can help.
